Who Are You?

We never remember the ones we saved, yet we never forget the ones we failed. It is about taking responsibilities for our choices, about learning from sacrifice. It is those hard lessons that shape us and how we respond, where we go in our lives. I don't think there has ever been a person without some kind of regret and that is probably a good thing. This is because it is our failures, more than our successes, that make us who we are.

Longing

It is bad to keep longing for something that one can never have. Too much of it and it can consume you. Replacing one obsession with another will only exacerbate the mentality of the person.

Then again, how does one responds to the concerns of their loved ones or their confidants? Sometimes we hear the argument being that the concerned party is afraid of losing the person. Is that true?

The reason for one's obsession with something could be due to an aspiration or it could be due to a promise or it could be due to an unyielding self-filling purpose not unlike Münchausen syndrome. How many of us can truly understand and help the person we care about most?

Cool Winds & Temperature

At this very moment, at 3AM in the morning, I opened my window and looked outside. As I slide my window open, the cool rush of wind caressed my face, a sweet smell floats into my olfactory senses and for a moment there, I felt myself transported. I do not know why, when I looked down into the streets, at that very moment, it seems as if I am back in New Zealand. I guess with the way the wind blew, the smell of it and the slight drizzle coming down, it does reminds me of the days when I was in New Zealand. I really miss the beautiful country.

I then raised my head and looked towards Mount Faber. Yes, my room has an unobstructed view of Mount Faber. As I looked across the ridge, the slight blurry effect due to the undercast clouds, together with the strong wind, gave me a feeling as if I am at Hong Kong's Victoria Peak observatory again.

The heat or the sun never did bring memories back for me but seems like when the cold wind and light drizzle hits, it does transport me for a moment to my memory of a place overseas that I have visited. I miss flying and I wish I could be flying soon once again.

The Joy Of Life

Humans inevitably die someday.
Since we know death is imminent,
we do our best to live life to the fullest.
When you're about to die,
you want to leave something behind for those around you.
Even if you pass away,
you want those you leave behind to live happily.
I'm able to do my best to live because I thought this way.
I am more than satisfied that I was able to leave so much behind.
But compared to what I left behind,
my children I've raise with the utmost care.
Then as you grow older,
your children will soon take over.
This is the joy of life.
Proof of your existence.

Simpsons In Acapella

Earlier this year, I was watching The Simpsons on TV. For the uninitiated, The Simpsons is the longest running animated sitcom in the United States about a typical middle-class disfunctional family. Usually when the end credits rolled, I would change channels to see what other things are there to watch. However, on that particular episode, I heard a rendition of The Simpsons Theme and it is really great! Don't believe, take a listen for yourself.



Recently, I found out that the group who performed this wonderful rendition is called Canvas and it was performed during the Washington A Cappella Showcase in November 2000.

Career Fair Walkabout

Went to the Career Fair today to hunt for a job. So did many others. It seems smaller scale this year, although the organizers calim to have more participants this year. One thing I noticed, the mainstays of past Career Fairs, the Manufacturing companies and Ministry of Education, are all not there. With the current economy situation, you could not blame the Manufacturing companies for not turning up. Whereas, the signal by MOE for not turning up seems to tell people that, thanks but we do not need anymore new teacher recruits after having 4 years of continuous exposure at Career Fairs.

On a side note, more than half of the jobs available today were in Statutory Boards or Government-Linked Companies, better known as GLCs. The notion that jobs in Ministries are only meant for 1st or 2nd Upper Class honors degree holders as the job scope are mainly management does not hold true. Many of their openings are still listing Good Honors (ie at least a 2nd Upper Honors)for even jobs which are seen as more line and file. With the economy squeeze, it is even harder on people such as myself to land any job without the "highflautin" ideas the employers have that non-honors degree holders are a waste of time.

Bloated Ego

Sometimes you see someone in the streets, you will say hi to the person if you know them. If that someone was from far back, you may hesistate or even run up to say hi to them. However, there are some whose ego are so bloated, they think that you should have been out of their life the day you left their sight, and that you should not even come on to say hi. Such people will even tell you to move on with your life. Am I the one with the bloated ego for just wanting to say hi or is the other party thinking too highly of themselves when I had zero intentions when saying Hi? Go figure.

Out Walking

Was bored today and decided to take a walk. My de-humidifier was ready for collection after repair and I made the walk from my place to Peninsula Plaza. It was ok, nothing much but the walk felt good. After I had collected the equipment, I headed over to the Esplanade to just sit down for a while at the outdoor theatre. It was nice, sitting there. The Singapore River flowing gently, looking as the sun set behind the Central Business District. The serenity occasionally punctured by the joys and laughter of those mingling about nearby, the works from the ongoing construction on Marina Bay. These are moments when we truly senase that there is still beauty within this concrete jungle, there is still places where you can go to relax without mention of cost in Singapore.



While going through the pictures in my camera phone, I found a shot I had taken sometime back. Back when I was still teaching. It was morning but the image of the moon made it all seem so surreal.

Endless Story & Precious

I could not sleep and started to listening to some music on the PC. While scrolling through my songs, I came upon the singer Yuna Ito. Some time back, when I watched the movie Umizaru 2, I was hooked by the theme song Precious which was sung by Yuna Ito. Intrigued by the singer's voice, I searched further and found out that her debut single Endless Story was a hit. Being the curious person, I went to Youtube to listen to Endless Story and I have not looked back since. I totally fell in love with the melody and the song. Although I did not understand what she was singing, it brought back memories for me. Memories and feelings which I have buried for some time, from the most recent to many many years ago. The floodgates just open. She is that good.

伊藤由奈-ENDLESS STORY


伊藤由奈-ENDLESS STORY (with translation)


伊藤由奈-PRECIOUS

SJI And Their Religious Moral Education Lessons

I was really surprised last evening when I heard PM Lee mentioned about how Saint Joseph's Institution, better known as SJI, is able to integrate students into their environment without being overtly religious. In fact they were praised on how well students of various racial and religious backgrounds have integrated well into the school. This has always been my vision everywhere I have worked. We have to understand the people around us and respect their culture. It was also something which I feel many secular schools are avoiding. They have felt that by mentioning religion in schools, we are opening a can of worms and they are fearful of the backlash from parents who accuse them of subversive actions to convert their children. However, I beg to differ. I was a student of SJI and am proud to still regard myself as a Josephian these days.

Talking about religion in schools is not about being subversive but more of allowing the students to better understand their friends. Too often misunderstanding and racism crops up in school because many students and teachers alike are not aware of what they are doing and inadvertently cause many unhappiness. Once I had tried to explain to my students why there is the Red Cross and Red Crescent society and the meaning behind their symbols. It was to allow them to have a better understanding why certain symbols are chosen and why it was used in certain regions. Sadly, one of my mentors then accused me of trying to be funny and incite racial and religious disharmony and that my lessons has no bearing towards National Education. Madam, till today, I still do not agree with what you said and ask that you open up your narrow mindedness, especially since you are the National Education Chairperson in the school.

When we expose the students to the various backgrounds, it allows them to be aware. When the students are aware, it gives them a better idea why certain students behave in that way and how they can work together. Too often we have talked about Racial & Religious Tolerance but I feel that these ideas can not come about without Racial & Religious Understanding.

The lessons I have learnt in SJI have helped to guide me all this time. A reason why I entered teaching was also to spread the knowledge I have gained there. I was never coerced into being a Christian or a Catholic during my 4 years there. I was given an option to choose between Catholism classes and Religious Moral Education (RME) classes. There were even students who were Catholics who chose to be part of the Religious Moral Education classes, although the reason are unknown to me. However, the lessons were not about being religious but the focus of it taught us much about understanding the various major religions and races in Singapore. And, it did not stop there. We even looked at certain races around the world and how they interacted with society in general. All this really opened up my eyes and has given me a better understanding. All this was on top of what the students in secular schools go through, lessons such as respecting your fellow students and how one should behave. We also learnt about grief and how we can handle it. RME classes, although not often looked forward to as students think it is a boring subject, often has the ability to bring all of us out to share our experiences. We discuss how things have happened and we learn about ourselves.

I really do hope that more secular schools can consider what SJI has done and do consider incorporating the lessons into their schools. In fact, with the mention by PM Lee, I will not be surprised if some schools are starting to contact SJI or some schools starting to tap on the teachers they have who are Josephians. It would be a long shot to hope that MOE can adopt what SJI has but one can always hope. True, there will be the detractors who feel that what SJI has achieved cannot be replicated elsewhere but if we do not try, will we ever know?

Sleepy & Tired

Staying at home till the cows come home. Everyday just sleep and sleep and sleep. Nothing to watch on TV and no games that interests me on the PC. Yawn. More sleeping then.

Image Among Friends

How often have you asked a friend out or to meet them somewhere and they lament that they are not properly attired or have a bad hair day or just don't look presentable? Sometimes, we have to admit that these excuses are given by some just to avoid meeting up with the person. Personally, I have heard it to the point that I don't even need to hear the end of it and just put down the phone or just walk off.

However, there are moments when said friend feel that they are not presentable because they are in a state of comfort wear. More often than not, comfort wear does not glorify any sense of beauty or makes one looks ok. It is often what we wear at home when we want to be comfortable. As such, when requested to meet up, we do not want to show our friends this side of our personality.

I know of some females previously who will never meet their friends if they are wearing glasses and not their contacts. I also know of some former friends who will never be caught dead going out without any make-up at all, MALE and female inclusive. They claim that all this is basic courtesy. Personally, I think it is all media's fault. We have all been brainwashed by the media about what is acceptable and what is not.

I do agree that meeting up with a friend without brushing one's hair or brushing one's teeth can be considered as having not met basic courtesy. This is true as it is a matter of personal hygiene. However, if two people are truly friends, would how a friend looks or dresses dictates how deep the friendship is or how long it lasts? I do not think so. We have too many shallow people who puts so much emphasis on outlook that can ignore a certain person just because they have too many pimples or are balding.

When among friends, I feel that it is a moment when we are at comfort. It is a time of bonding or a time to catchup. Would we want to feel the discomfort or girdles, toupees, high-heels, wigs or even, pardon my brashness ladies, undersized bras to give that "uplifting" effect? To have to stretch this or scratch that, rub this or massage that throughout the entire conversation. It would cause the entire event to be so UNCOMFORTABLE.

Therefore it is to my belief that among friends, as long as we have met the minimum of personal hygeine, it is okay to be as comfortable as you want. As long as the ocassion or the location allows it, be as comfortable as you want. There is no saying that one cannot wear the 3S (Singlets, Shorts and Slippers) and stroll down Orchard Road. Among friends, image does not really matter at all. For if it does, do you still want such people as your friends?

Accident......Again

I just claimed no direction this morning and I just got involved in an accident. Was cycling along Telok Blangah Road towards Vivocity, at the dismantled bus stop just before the turn-off into Sentosa Gateway Road. I got too close cycling to the side when my bicycle pedals got caught by one of the unevenly placed temporary kerb used to close off the previous bus bay at the side of the road. Next thing I knew, I flew and hit the ground hard, landing smack in the middle of the lane with a fully loaded 40-foot lorry coming right up. Thankfully the driver was driving slowly and he managed to brake in time else that would have been the end of me. Now I got bruises all over and in pain. Owwwwww..... Thankfully I wore my gloves and jacket, they took the brunt of the fall, else there would have been some severe lacerations. Owwww......

No Direction

The worst thing for a person to ever encounter is to find out that he or she has lost the direction in life. That person is me. I have been unemployed for 3 months now and am starting to lose all sense of capability. Even my own pet projects and photography are not able to sustain me intellectually anymore. I need the challenge or some say the monotony of work.

Happy National Day

Another year of independence. Another year of nationhood. Wherein once we were SIngaporeans. Whereas now we are divided by normality and elitism. Supporters of those who can study and supporters of those who are not as academically excellent. Wherefore once a person is given an opportunity if willing to work hard to prove their ability. Wherehence now, the quick and cheaper way of going foreign. The years of the current administration has brought much to Singapore. Prosperity, they have suceeded. The hearts of the people, they have failed. For if you still insists on what is right in the world there be in the land of the elites, the world of us plebians shall choose to remove our support. Do consider, do ponder. We all want the country to do well. Do you want the country to do well or only the select few? Think hard. Happy 44th National Day Singapore.

Little Intricacies Of Life

Met with a friend yesterday for lunch. It has been sometime since we met up and we caught up on what we had been busy in previously and our current ongoings. As usual, she told me that I should go land a job soon else no lady will want me. I laughed it off and told her that I have already given up on the prospect of marriage as who will want me.

For I am one who can do nothing but gripe about my situation and claim severe grievances of my former employers. That many of those who once claim to be my friends are now egging each other when they find out that there is still a "Last One Standing" that is in contact with me. Be it partners or friends, I have few and far between. In fact I rather none than a collection of acquaintances.

She asked me what happened and who was telling me all this. I joked to her that it is basic human personality. When I was there, we could bounce ideas off each other as well as problems but after I leave any company, I am no more than an irritant to them. So why should they keep in contact with me. Humans are very practical people. When you are of no longer of use or benefit to them, would they still keep you around?

She then raised to me if it was due to my unhappiness during my tertiary education days. "Well, you could say that," I told her. "All too often, when things need to be done, I am Alvin. Else, who is Alvin? Haha. All in the past but when you got "friends" like this, do you REALLY have any friends?"

She told me to stop my habit of alienating the friends I made from my workplace after I left them. After all, we were from the same workplace and yet we remained as friends. Well, there are those who were colleagues and there are those who were friends. Colleagues never remember who you are. Friends could never be formed from colleagues. Whatever that looks like friendship when I was working at any place never lasted beyond the day I left. Humans are all too realistic. After you have left, anything negative that you have or had said gets blown out of proportion. The words you used could also be thrown up to the point of ad nauseum. Then again, there are those who wish to dismiss a person who is no more than a hot bed of negative hot wash when the very person was the one who listened to their negative hot wash initially without letting it be known to any other.

I told her of how I had deleted a certain person from my list of online contacts and revealed it to only one person. This person was one of those who had some issues at work and had confided some of her thoughts with me previously. I have had my reservations about this particular colleague but have never voiced it out for I thought she may be one of those who may become a friend. The person whom I deleted was a former colleague and a supposed common friend. When I revealed it to her, it was a way to test how much this person can keep under wraps and how much the person valued what was a supposed friendship. Sad to say, that person has betrayed my trust by babbling it around.

"Are you sure you told no one else?" she asked.

"I did but it was after the person failed the test," I replied. "I had laughed it off online to another friend when I told her about how our supposed common friend, now an unknown person to me, has deleted me from her online contacts. Haha."

She then pressed the issue, "Still, look at us, we are still friends." To which I replied, "That is true for I guess we never saw each other as colleagues and we never badmouthed or surfaced any negative thoughts of each other to others. That is what true friendship is about. We are friends not because we can help each other but rather we are friends because we enjoy the company of each other and only want the best for the other. We help without any form of complains. When we hear others badmouthing the other, even if we agree some of the things brought up and do not protect the other, we do not add oil to the flame. That is why we are still friends."

"Then how you know I never said anything bad about you?" she asked.

"I trust you well enough to believe that you did not. It may be naive but hey, friendship is all about trust isn't it," I replied, "However, the moment that trust is broken......"

"Yes, I know, it will never be back again. You are really a very stubborn and unforgiving person," she said. "You could be forgiving to your subordinates and students but never to your friends. You can give them the benefit of the doubt and win back your trust too. Don't know why we became friends."

"There in lies the terms. I am forgiving to my students and subordinates for people make mistakes but can improve. Friends? The moment they bad mouth you, do you still want to recognise this person as your friend? First it is badmouthing, what next? They can do it once, they will do it again," I said. "Aren't you glad we are only friends?"

"Yeah. It sure is very difficult to be your friend. On the surface you are so carefree but inside I never know what goes on. You take things too personally at times. What I do know is that when I am with you, you tend to help to take the edge off things for me," she laughed.

"That is Alvin for you. If I don't take things personally, I am not in charge of my life then, isn't it? Glad to be of service. Haha," I joked with an over the top bow.

"This online friend of yours, she any good?" she asked, trying to drop a hint.

"Please!" I exclaimed. "She is happily attached, like you."

"Well, no harm asking......or trying. Hahaha. Remember what I said about you a couple of years back?," she said jokingly. "Since there are 2 camps now, do you think she will remain your friend?"

"Yeah, in a way you were spot on then, still is perhaps," I replied while pondering. "With regards to my friend online, in the first place, I am not even interested if there are one, two or three camps. You cannot control people and force them to think like you. Secondly, it would be her decision on how much she wants to maintain this friendship. Thirdly, I will not fall into your trap and badmouth her. Last person who tried to be suggestive even of her got reprimanded by me. You ah, trying to trick me and catch me off guard."

"Wooo....somebody is very protective ah? Haha," she laughed shrugging her shoulders.

"Oei, I accord you the same courtesy also, ok?," I lamented. "If I don't treasure you as a friend, I will not even bother protecting your integrity from others. I have few friends but those who treat me as one, will be accorded the utmost respect by me."

"Haha. Ok, Ok. Thanks. So serious," she laughed. "By the way, my Mum is asking if you want to drop by during the Mid-Autumn festival."

"Hello, you are attached. Isn't this question meant for your boyfriend?" I queried.

"Yes but my mum has not seen you for sometime and just want to see what has become of you," she explained.

"Be careful there. Haha. Thanks for the offer and give my regards to your Mum. I don't think I will be dropping by. No job, no money, no honey. Hahaha" I quipped.

"AGAIN!" she exasperated.

While having our meal, I looked over to the entrance, I did not know what made me do it. At that moment, I saw my ex-girlfriend coming in together with her family. Her grandpa, mum, eldest aunt and eldest uncle-in-law. It has been almost 10 years since I last saw her. 7 years since we last emailed each other. I think. Cannot really remember. My friend saw the quick turn of my head and asked what happened. I told her who just came into the restaurant and she started making exaggerated motions to catch a glimpse of her. What a friend I have. Haha. They had to pass our table on the way to the salad buffet bar as we were seated right next to it and my friend was surprised that they did not recognized me.

I laughed and said, "What was the first thing you said to me when you saw me today? 'You got bigger'. Of course they can not recognize me now. Haha."

Staying In Singapore For A Little While More

Staying home in this little island for a little while more. Tried exploring opportunities but have been told that I am not suitable and as such will not be having any new plans for the moment. Ah well.

Bored With Staying At Home

I am so bored at home I am going nuts!

Just One Of Them

The figures were out yesterday and yours truly is just one of them 91600 unemployed Singaporean in Singapore. I am not doing any upgrading because they got nothing for degree holders. At the same time, I have no money to afford any form of upgrading course, whether I went to Hong Kong or not. Coupled with the fact that I do not have an honors degree and am an overaged person who is no longer a fresh graduate, even more I am unwanted by companies around. Sigh.