Little Intricacies Of Life

Met with a friend yesterday for lunch. It has been sometime since we met up and we caught up on what we had been busy in previously and our current ongoings. As usual, she told me that I should go land a job soon else no lady will want me. I laughed it off and told her that I have already given up on the prospect of marriage as who will want me.

For I am one who can do nothing but gripe about my situation and claim severe grievances of my former employers. That many of those who once claim to be my friends are now egging each other when they find out that there is still a "Last One Standing" that is in contact with me. Be it partners or friends, I have few and far between. In fact I rather none than a collection of acquaintances.

She asked me what happened and who was telling me all this. I joked to her that it is basic human personality. When I was there, we could bounce ideas off each other as well as problems but after I leave any company, I am no more than an irritant to them. So why should they keep in contact with me. Humans are very practical people. When you are of no longer of use or benefit to them, would they still keep you around?

She then raised to me if it was due to my unhappiness during my tertiary education days. "Well, you could say that," I told her. "All too often, when things need to be done, I am Alvin. Else, who is Alvin? Haha. All in the past but when you got "friends" like this, do you REALLY have any friends?"

She told me to stop my habit of alienating the friends I made from my workplace after I left them. After all, we were from the same workplace and yet we remained as friends. Well, there are those who were colleagues and there are those who were friends. Colleagues never remember who you are. Friends could never be formed from colleagues. Whatever that looks like friendship when I was working at any place never lasted beyond the day I left. Humans are all too realistic. After you have left, anything negative that you have or had said gets blown out of proportion. The words you used could also be thrown up to the point of ad nauseum. Then again, there are those who wish to dismiss a person who is no more than a hot bed of negative hot wash when the very person was the one who listened to their negative hot wash initially without letting it be known to any other.

I told her of how I had deleted a certain person from my list of online contacts and revealed it to only one person. This person was one of those who had some issues at work and had confided some of her thoughts with me previously. I have had my reservations about this particular colleague but have never voiced it out for I thought she may be one of those who may become a friend. The person whom I deleted was a former colleague and a supposed common friend. When I revealed it to her, it was a way to test how much this person can keep under wraps and how much the person valued what was a supposed friendship. Sad to say, that person has betrayed my trust by babbling it around.

"Are you sure you told no one else?" she asked.

"I did but it was after the person failed the test," I replied. "I had laughed it off online to another friend when I told her about how our supposed common friend, now an unknown person to me, has deleted me from her online contacts. Haha."

She then pressed the issue, "Still, look at us, we are still friends." To which I replied, "That is true for I guess we never saw each other as colleagues and we never badmouthed or surfaced any negative thoughts of each other to others. That is what true friendship is about. We are friends not because we can help each other but rather we are friends because we enjoy the company of each other and only want the best for the other. We help without any form of complains. When we hear others badmouthing the other, even if we agree some of the things brought up and do not protect the other, we do not add oil to the flame. That is why we are still friends."

"Then how you know I never said anything bad about you?" she asked.

"I trust you well enough to believe that you did not. It may be naive but hey, friendship is all about trust isn't it," I replied, "However, the moment that trust is broken......"

"Yes, I know, it will never be back again. You are really a very stubborn and unforgiving person," she said. "You could be forgiving to your subordinates and students but never to your friends. You can give them the benefit of the doubt and win back your trust too. Don't know why we became friends."

"There in lies the terms. I am forgiving to my students and subordinates for people make mistakes but can improve. Friends? The moment they bad mouth you, do you still want to recognise this person as your friend? First it is badmouthing, what next? They can do it once, they will do it again," I said. "Aren't you glad we are only friends?"

"Yeah. It sure is very difficult to be your friend. On the surface you are so carefree but inside I never know what goes on. You take things too personally at times. What I do know is that when I am with you, you tend to help to take the edge off things for me," she laughed.

"That is Alvin for you. If I don't take things personally, I am not in charge of my life then, isn't it? Glad to be of service. Haha," I joked with an over the top bow.

"This online friend of yours, she any good?" she asked, trying to drop a hint.

"Please!" I exclaimed. "She is happily attached, like you."

"Well, no harm asking......or trying. Hahaha. Remember what I said about you a couple of years back?," she said jokingly. "Since there are 2 camps now, do you think she will remain your friend?"

"Yeah, in a way you were spot on then, still is perhaps," I replied while pondering. "With regards to my friend online, in the first place, I am not even interested if there are one, two or three camps. You cannot control people and force them to think like you. Secondly, it would be her decision on how much she wants to maintain this friendship. Thirdly, I will not fall into your trap and badmouth her. Last person who tried to be suggestive even of her got reprimanded by me. You ah, trying to trick me and catch me off guard."

"Wooo....somebody is very protective ah? Haha," she laughed shrugging her shoulders.

"Oei, I accord you the same courtesy also, ok?," I lamented. "If I don't treasure you as a friend, I will not even bother protecting your integrity from others. I have few friends but those who treat me as one, will be accorded the utmost respect by me."

"Haha. Ok, Ok. Thanks. So serious," she laughed. "By the way, my Mum is asking if you want to drop by during the Mid-Autumn festival."

"Hello, you are attached. Isn't this question meant for your boyfriend?" I queried.

"Yes but my mum has not seen you for sometime and just want to see what has become of you," she explained.

"Be careful there. Haha. Thanks for the offer and give my regards to your Mum. I don't think I will be dropping by. No job, no money, no honey. Hahaha" I quipped.

"AGAIN!" she exasperated.

While having our meal, I looked over to the entrance, I did not know what made me do it. At that moment, I saw my ex-girlfriend coming in together with her family. Her grandpa, mum, eldest aunt and eldest uncle-in-law. It has been almost 10 years since I last saw her. 7 years since we last emailed each other. I think. Cannot really remember. My friend saw the quick turn of my head and asked what happened. I told her who just came into the restaurant and she started making exaggerated motions to catch a glimpse of her. What a friend I have. Haha. They had to pass our table on the way to the salad buffet bar as we were seated right next to it and my friend was surprised that they did not recognized me.

I laughed and said, "What was the first thing you said to me when you saw me today? 'You got bigger'. Of course they can not recognize me now. Haha."