today's dental bill was horendous! $1200! ouch! the bills are pilling up quick and fast. argggg!
today the outoing CEO went around shaking the hands of everyone in the company. wow! surprised at his personal touch. when he first shook my hand, he looked familiar but i could not put his face, it was only later i realised who he was. hahaha. he is a great guy and a gentleman.
oh, by the way, happy birthday to my estranged brother.
Last night's outing with the guys ended at about 2.30am. By the time I walked home it was already 4am. Feeling really lazy now.
I was informed that the gathering was at MS and had assumed it to be at Marina Square. There was even talk of bowling and since there is where we usually bowl, of course I thought it was Marina Square. Turns out the meetup was supposed to be at Marina South. It was great catching up with the guys.
Stupid flu bug is still around. Arggg. Need to take double dose to kill the stupid germ!
I was crossing the road this morning while heading for work. I was in such deep thought, I did not take note of the motorcycle while I was jaywalking. It sure was a very scary moment to have a motorcycle screech to a halt right in front of you.
it was such a comfortable light rain to walk home in. it was a much awaited light drizzle to perk the spirits up. coming home, i just could not resist the temptation of taking a nap in this nice weather. mmmmm.......
The photos from Malcolm's & Eileen's wedding are finally ready. I look fat! Hahaha. Well, at least Sweetie said I looked "not bad" in the photos of me as the Emcee. Thinking back, it sure was a fun day. From the night before where we attempted to get Malcolm drunk, till the end of the wedding dinner where I was more drained than the happy couple. This could be the only wedding where I am more involved in, besides my own (dunno when), but it sure was a great experience. Thanks Malcolm & Eileen.
For the first time in 2 weeks, I knocked off work on time. Hahahaha. With Hari Raya tomorrow, this week can relax. Heard today that my permanent replacement is coming in at the end of November but my contract is ending in eaarly November, looks like they have got to bring in a temp staff to cover for 2 weeks.
Nothing much happened in Singapore today for me. Basically just lazed around at home. Had to, I was suffering from a terrible bout of flu last night after my swim and was feeling too week to go out today. Sweetie told me about her trip to Hangzhou over the weekend and how the air up in the mountains were so fresh. Ah! Fresh air! We are so bloody drprived of it back home. I also WANT!
Went swimming at SAFRA Mt Faber today. After having not exercised for some time due to my injury, a mere 20 lengths and I was feeling some fatigue. To think I used to be able to do 50 lenghts with ease, I need to get my strength back. Now my eyes are hurting and tearing badly due to the chlorine from the pool. Arrgggg!
I finally got most of my major projects in the office settled. Phew. It sure has been tiring working till late everyday but the thought of what is going to happened at the end of my contract spurs me on. So looking forward to it! Heez.
The credit card bill came today and I forgot all about the Russell Peters concert which I went to. Arggg! Gotta curb my spending some. Not when I got to pay up to $500 a month in bills and debt repayments.
These past 2 weeks has seen an avalanche of work coming in. Though alot, I have been able to handle most of it. Alas, I am still too green in my work and thus have to do plenty of overtime to ensure that the following morning there is no backlog. However, I am willing to put in this extra effort now. As Sweetie said, "Pia now, enjoy later". Heez.
Just came back from work. Did not realise that the time I had worked until the security guard came by and asked me how come I work until so late. I even mentioned to Sweetie that I could go home on time today. Hahaha, this job sure takes up alot of my attention. It is interesting but very brain exhaustive. No wonder all the staff in my department are university graduates, even the seniors!
OK, second time I am sending it. This time please let it arrive. Please no screw ups anymore at the customs. It will be really disappointing if the article does not arrive again.
It is actually fun when we plan for something and the event actually happends. Many atimes I have been asked to plan for events but I have had to turn them down as I just did not have the drawing power. Also, when I do actually plan for certain events, some people will eventually pullout, leading to collateral pull outs, therefore leading to no event.
For me, I actually like to plan for things. I like to be able to get things in action or to help people achieve something. However, from here on, I will only plan for things which I am certain will happen. The feeling of being played out or comments of "Nobody asked you to what", really hurts.
Only 26 more days till my plan is in action. Hahahaha.
After 12 weeks, it is time for me to once again "puke blood". Haha. Well, donate blood actually. Today's my 14th time. Looks like it wil be at least another 10 years before I make it to the 50 times donors list. Ah well, ultimately, blood donation is my way of giving back to society. The list is a by the way thing only. Being the miser that I am, this is charity at no cost. Well, maybe transportation but hey, bus transport in Singapore is still manageable. Plus, no way my blood will become somebody's GOLD TAP! Hahahahaha!
I think I need to change my working hours into the Dubai time zone. Hahaha. Work is very interesting and I no need to worry about sales target. Well, I still have to make targets but at least I set the limits. Working in this new line of work keeps me updated with the world events even more as any event, may or may not affect the company's services. Another great thing about this job is that because I deal with my Middle East counterparts, Fridays in Singapore is a breeze as their weekend are Friday & Saturday. However, the trade off is that my mailbox on Monday morning is flooded! Hahaha!
I read the following article online and felt that it accurately discribes my pathetic existence of life and that some of my decisions ultimately have been purely selfish.
I'VE LEARNED
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. And it's not the end of the world. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I've learned that it's not what happens to people, It's what they do about it. I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it. I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't five me the right to be cruel. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe. I've learned to love and be loved. I've learned...
In life we experience things everyday. Sometimes we learn from our mistakes, sometimes we do not. I may not be old but I have had my fair share of experiences and insight knowledge from others. I have also dispensed advice freely to those who are willing to listen. Obviously I have not taken all my lessons to heart. However, from here on, I have to. Why? Well, because I am not getting any younger and trying out are for the younger folks. The song "Because Of You" by Kelly Clarkson is a timely reminder to me that there are times when being nice and showing concern for that special someone will only cause yourself to be hurt in the end.
I will not make the same mistakes that you did I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid
I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh every day of my life My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid
I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain And now I cry in the middle of the night For the same damn thing
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty Because of you I am afraid Because of you
Went to the Russell Peters show today. It was GREAT! Laughed until my stomach ache and my facial muscles ache! Hahahaha. It was worth the $100 tix. There were some jokes which us "bloody downloaders" would have heard of before but it was still as good. Everybody had a great time. His friend Angelo was a great act too! Looking forward to his return to Singapore in future. Maybe at that time I can bring my gf/wife along. Hahahaha!
Just came home from my class reunion. It has been 10 years since I left SJI and it was great catching up with a few friends. Caught up with Jeferry and found out that he is currently a CADET PILOT! Damn! I am so envious of him. Alas, them local companies in Singapore wants to harp on the fact that I did not pass 5 'O' Level subjects in one sitting, even though I am already a graduate from a local university no less! Nicholas is too working in SIA. Looks like plenty of us wants to work at the same place. Haha! Almost everyone has changed since back then. Seeing the principal of old, Brother Paul Rogers (current principal of CJC), brings back the memories.
Back then, he just had to stand on the pedestal and glare at us, within moments, we would all settle down. He just has the aura about him. Haha. I wonder if it is as simple now for him over at CJC. Karen missed having him as her principal by a year. Wasted! Hahaha! Another person I have to thank would be my former form tutor, Mr. Clement Fernandez. While the few of us were talking about our SJI days, we all agreed that without him, we would not have become what we are today. He was the man instrumental in getting all of us straightened out, the delinquents that we were. Being the form tutor of the last class was no easy feat. He had to motivate the students and at the same time discipline them. I respect him alot. For me, he was a great influence in me. He encouraged me to work towards Polytechnic and from there, today I stand as a NTU graduate. Thank you Sir.
Today is the Mid-Autumn Festival. Alas, Singapore is covered in a layer of SMOG! From the pantry at my office on the 21st storey, I could usually see Pasir Panjang Container Terminal clearly. Today, I could not even make out the Singapore Straits! The SMOG is really really bad. Coming home was equally bad too, it was like walking through a smoke screen. The air quality sure sucks big time! With everything being so bad, the joke in the office was whether tonight the moon could even be seen or not. Well, at least I could see it clearly, but the SMOG has made a nice corona around it. Hahahaha.
For those that know me, I do not take back what I have given away. That has always been my style. I am not one who normally gives presents to others. Only a rare few have recieved presents from me. I have only ever given presents to gals whom I was involved with or was interested in. So you can forget about tracking me down to pass it back to me. Afterall, if that is your choice, why are you reading this? Hmmm?
Again, I am unable to sleep as my thoughts invariably drifts towards Sweetie. Feelings is not something which one can turn off at the flick of a switch. I have elected my last hope and if it does not succeed in getting a response, it might be time to move on. Till today I still have not made my plans concrete for November because I am not certain of how Sweetie will react. However, I cannot delay my decision for too long. I read the following beautiful story somewhere:
A strange man walks up to me in a saloon where I am working and asks me to marry him.
And I say, "I cannot marry thee, for I have a love who sails the deep salt seas. Though he's been gone these seven years, no man shall marry me. For what if he has died or in some battle slayed or drowned in the deep salt sea, or found another love and he and his new love both married be. That is so, I wish them both health and happiness that burns across the sea."
And he looks at me, and kisses me and says, "Weep no more my own true love, for I am your long lost love."
I wanted to save the following passage till when I got attached or when I am married. However with the possibility looming dim, I felt that I wanted my feelings to be made known, just in case. Many of you know me as someone who places my family above all else. That includes my future wife and kids, if and when I am indeed blessed to have them. The passage below outlines why family is so important to me.
For no man, No cause, no war Because there is no cause greater than life And life is here with my family When I was alone A return was all I dreamed of And now, reality of being home is greater than any dream To you my fellow travellers I will carry you always in my heart of hearts If we perish, we do so as one Because it is with my family, that I will stay till the end A ghost of what I was will haunt me no longer For I am loved, I am free
In life, we never know how we will percieve somebody. Different people have different perceptions. In that very special way, she saw him in a different light. In that special way, she feels that he is more than what he seems. She smiles as she looks at him. Her smile overwhelms him as he never realised before how much it meant to him. How her smile could tell a story that could never be articulated or written but still throughly enjoyed.
As he gazed into the twinkle in her eyes, it is as if she knew his secrets. As his heart struggles to accept the facts, it finally realises that she made him complete. Her faith in him gave him the confidence to venture into situations which he never dared to before. Try as he might, he never knew what she saw in him but what she saw in him was something special.
If ever he had a moment that he wanted permanently ingrained in his mind, it would be when their lips come in contact. If ever he had a chance to recollect on that one special moment in his life, he would like to be able to freeze time and forever be able to savor that special moment.
As he gazed into her eyes, his heart realises that she made him complete. With her faith in him he began to do things which he could never before. Although he will never know what she saw in him but what she saw in him made him special.
He does not know how or why but whenever he sees her look at him in that special way, he just feels so different. It happends every single time when she looks at him in that speial way.
With the look in her eyes, he knows she completes him. With her support, he no longer has any fears. He does not what it is she saw but it made him feel special.
The way she looked at him makes him feel special.
No one ever saw me like you do All the things that I could add up to I never knew just what a smile was worth But your eyes say everything without a single word
'Cause there's something in the way you look at me It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece You made me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be I never know what you see But there's something in the way you look at me
If I could freeze a moment in my mind Be the second that you touch your lips to mine I'd like to stop the clock, make time stand still 'Cause baby, this is just the way I always wanna feel
'Cause there's something in the way you look at me It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece You made me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be I never know what you see But there's something in the way you look at me
I don't know how or why I feel different in your eyes All I know is it happens everytime
'Cause there's something in the way you look at me It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece You made me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be I never know what you see But there's something in the way you look at me
The way you look at me
I am so sorry that I do not even have the words for it. You are now living your own life and will define your own path and desitny. Something which nobody will ever trade for anything, not even for all the stars in the sky. Forgiveness is the most beautiful human thing one can do. Here a toast to all the stars in the universe and to you.
I have not felt so flustered for ages. I have not felt so guilty for some time now. What have I done? Why did I do it? Why did I have to wreck it when there was a tiny sense of possibility? Like meat on a skewer, I'm roasted. Another bad move, another lost opportunity.
The Door Opens The Edges Meet Step through it and you find yourself lost Stay where you are and you go nowhere
Time sure has crawled these 100 days. All this time, I miss Sweetie alot! I like Sweetie alot and miss her a great deal. Seeing her online just does not equate to time spent with her. Never a day goes by without my thoughts being filled with her, wondering how her day was and wishing her good health. I would really love to have the opportunity to show her how much she means to me but alas she is attached. I miss her greatly and look forward to when I finally make the trip to see her. After seeing Malcolm's & Eileen's marriage yesterday, it made me realise even more how much Sweetie means to me.
