Weird Jealousy
About 2 days ago I woke up to a very strange dream. I had been writing a letter through the night to send to a person regarding my request for help. By the time I was finished, it was already 5am. Since I was due to leave home for work at about 6:45am, I thought that it would be better if I just remained awake. Just in case I overslept. Sad to say, I could not overcome my need for rest and I was soon fast asleep with the book that I was reading on my chest. Nothing could wake me up. I slept through the 2 alarms that I had set. What woke me up was something unexpected.
I dreamt that I was at a clinic or hospital of sorts. I do not know what I was doing there but I knew I was there for some appointment. I was rounding the corner to the reception desk when I saw Belle coming in. For some unknown reason, I just stayed out of sight as the receptionist greeted her and asked her about her pregnancy. Belle mentioned that she is coming along fine and that her husband is treating her well.
I immediately woke up after that and even though I was going to be late for work, I only felt exceedingly jealous. What was the reason behind this? I know it is stupid to make sense of any dream but why am I so feeling so much jealousy? Belle and I had some disagreements previously and had not been in contact for a very very long time. Some time in June, I had decided to finally lay down the ghosts of my past and not think of her as a romantic interest anymore. After all, when she stopped responding to my calls, SMS or MSN messages, it was pretty clear that I had to move on. And I did. At least I thought I did.
2 of my close friends once mentioned this to me, that even though at one time I had an interest in another girl, my heart was still with Belle. When things did not work out with this other girl, they too claimed that it is because the one I cared for is still Belle. When I made the decision to not think of Belle anymore, it was pretty easy, to say the least. Out of sight, out of mind. But when this dream of her pregnancy and marital status popped into my head, I reacted very very illogically. I am not supposed to feel jealous. To which one of my close friend claimed, "It is because even though you have buried her under everything, in truth you actually miss her. Just because you do not think of her, does not mean that she means nothing to you anymore." Could this be true? It is not right to drag things on for situations which will never bear fruit. But this? My friend asked me to let go of these thoughts for she feels that Belle has never treated me right, always blowing hot and cold.
I then joked that it could because I have grown so fat now that, since I can no longer succeed in winning the heart of any Singaporean Chinese girl, my mind could just be playing out scenes to fill in that gap in my life. Beside, our dreams are our brain's way of letting us live thorough situations of which we are not able to achieve in real life. But that dream......oooh......how do I extinguish the flame for which it had lit up again? Or was it a smoldering amber that was never or not properly extinguished?
I dreamt that I was at a clinic or hospital of sorts. I do not know what I was doing there but I knew I was there for some appointment. I was rounding the corner to the reception desk when I saw Belle coming in. For some unknown reason, I just stayed out of sight as the receptionist greeted her and asked her about her pregnancy. Belle mentioned that she is coming along fine and that her husband is treating her well.
I immediately woke up after that and even though I was going to be late for work, I only felt exceedingly jealous. What was the reason behind this? I know it is stupid to make sense of any dream but why am I so feeling so much jealousy? Belle and I had some disagreements previously and had not been in contact for a very very long time. Some time in June, I had decided to finally lay down the ghosts of my past and not think of her as a romantic interest anymore. After all, when she stopped responding to my calls, SMS or MSN messages, it was pretty clear that I had to move on. And I did. At least I thought I did.
2 of my close friends once mentioned this to me, that even though at one time I had an interest in another girl, my heart was still with Belle. When things did not work out with this other girl, they too claimed that it is because the one I cared for is still Belle. When I made the decision to not think of Belle anymore, it was pretty easy, to say the least. Out of sight, out of mind. But when this dream of her pregnancy and marital status popped into my head, I reacted very very illogically. I am not supposed to feel jealous. To which one of my close friend claimed, "It is because even though you have buried her under everything, in truth you actually miss her. Just because you do not think of her, does not mean that she means nothing to you anymore." Could this be true? It is not right to drag things on for situations which will never bear fruit. But this? My friend asked me to let go of these thoughts for she feels that Belle has never treated me right, always blowing hot and cold.
I then joked that it could because I have grown so fat now that, since I can no longer succeed in winning the heart of any Singaporean Chinese girl, my mind could just be playing out scenes to fill in that gap in my life. Beside, our dreams are our brain's way of letting us live thorough situations of which we are not able to achieve in real life. But that dream......oooh......how do I extinguish the flame for which it had lit up again? Or was it a smoldering amber that was never or not properly extinguished?
posted by Prosage at 4:05 pm
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