Random Things Heard On TV
From BBC's Quite Interesting Series "A" and "B"
Anti-Americanism
In London colloquial slang, Americans are known as "Sceptic". If you don't like Americans, you are known as "Antisceptic". To play on the word, you can also be a "Listerine"
Prince Albert
"Did Prince Albert did a 'Prince Albert'?" somebody once asked Prince Philip. "What is a 'Prince Albert'?" asked Prince Philip to another person softly. No one had the heart to tell him that "Prince Albert" is slang for a cock-ring.
Airplane Food
Anything that is White is Sweet
Anything that is Brown is Meat
Anything that is Green, Don't Eat!
The Mistake of Pausing
The late, lamented, great Sir John Gielgud was directing a young actor at London's West End once, and the young actor was pausing a lot, as young actors tend to do. Geilgud said to him, "Oh Stop! No, no. No, no. You must never pause. Never pause in the West End. I paused many years ago and during the silence, I hearda voice from the third row go:'Oh! You hedious beast! You've just come all over my umbrella!'"
Toilet Paper
Green Bay, Winsonsin, USA, is the Toilet paper capital of the world. Invented in 1902 in Green Bay, it was not until 1935 that they were at last able to advertise it as "Splinter-Free"
Birds and Chocolates
Chocolates are not only poisonous to animals but to humans as well. A piece of Smarties is enough to kill a small bird. The lethal dosage for humans is 10kgs or about 22 pounds at one sitting.
Clitoris
The clitoris is the only organ in a male or female body that is decorative and designed purely for pleasure. It has no other purposes or uses and has 8000 nerve endings, twice the number on the penis.
Perception
Sir Thomas Beecham, a famous conductor, once observed to a female cellist, "Madam, you have between your legs an instrument which can give pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it?!"
Anti-Americanism
In London colloquial slang, Americans are known as "Sceptic". If you don't like Americans, you are known as "Antisceptic". To play on the word, you can also be a "Listerine"
Prince Albert
"Did Prince Albert did a 'Prince Albert'?" somebody once asked Prince Philip. "What is a 'Prince Albert'?" asked Prince Philip to another person softly. No one had the heart to tell him that "Prince Albert" is slang for a cock-ring.
Airplane Food
Anything that is White is Sweet
Anything that is Brown is Meat
Anything that is Green, Don't Eat!
The Mistake of Pausing
The late, lamented, great Sir John Gielgud was directing a young actor at London's West End once, and the young actor was pausing a lot, as young actors tend to do. Geilgud said to him, "Oh Stop! No, no. No, no. You must never pause. Never pause in the West End. I paused many years ago and during the silence, I hearda voice from the third row go:'Oh! You hedious beast! You've just come all over my umbrella!'"
Toilet Paper
Green Bay, Winsonsin, USA, is the Toilet paper capital of the world. Invented in 1902 in Green Bay, it was not until 1935 that they were at last able to advertise it as "Splinter-Free"
Birds and Chocolates
Chocolates are not only poisonous to animals but to humans as well. A piece of Smarties is enough to kill a small bird. The lethal dosage for humans is 10kgs or about 22 pounds at one sitting.
Clitoris
The clitoris is the only organ in a male or female body that is decorative and designed purely for pleasure. It has no other purposes or uses and has 8000 nerve endings, twice the number on the penis.
Perception
Sir Thomas Beecham, a famous conductor, once observed to a female cellist, "Madam, you have between your legs an instrument which can give pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it?!"
posted by Prosage at 2:10 pm
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