Relationships & Reflection
There comes a time when in the midst of many distractions and messed-up thoughts, a clear and bright beacon beckons. More often than not, I have been at the receiving ends of "curved balls", getting myself in over my head in things.
However, when such matters concerns my family, nobody and nothing comes before them. To me, I have always felt that the family is a very important aspect in our life as they are the only ones to stand by us, through good or bad. Alas, my relationship with my brother is not the best there is. In fact, we have not been on speaking terms since 3 years back and my brother has since moved to my mum's place to stay while I chose to stay with Granny.
Relationships are a very interesting aspect in our lives. There is the family kind and there are non-family kind. More often than not, the relationships we have with our friends are the kind that we wish that we could have with our parents. I guess I am lucky, me and my mum have not been the usual mother and son type but more of friends. Guess this was very much due to the fact that we had to make adjustments to our lives almost 15 years ago. Suddenly, I was no longer just a son and an elder brother. I was thrust with the extra responsibility of teaching my Brother the ways of life from the tender age of 11. Look what a big mess I have made since then.
I have not been a great friend to others either. I was never really a great team-player and always wanted a chance to lead. Must be all that SJI teaching. Haha. Nurturing Leaders of Tomorrow. Well, I leadership is not all easy and most of us are not able to handle the responsibility when given the opportunity. I know I failed my test of leadership when I was given responsibility over a group of juniors only because I was senior and not because of my ability. However, I never believe leaders are naturally born, they have to be nurtured and given guidance.
This is where life lessons come about. The 10 years since I left SJI, I have picked up many aspects about life. Good or bad, it is up to the perogotive of the individuals. I am not always the easy going person, ok maybe not that easy-going for those that know me well, that most people think I am today. Time moves and people change. We learn everyday but whether we take the lessons to heart is another issue.
At least I can safely say, I should be a better person than before. However, there are certain trials and tribulations when faced, I just do not feel motivated. When I mention that I am a former 'O'-Level failure but now a NTU Graduate, some people think that I am a highly motivated person. Truth is, I am not. I wanted very much to give up after my 'O'-Levels but was turned around due to the fact that I knew I needed at least a Diploma to get a decent job. When I got rejected by NTU the first time, I too wanted to give up again but decided to just try my luck and applied again but with SAT scores. I wanted to get the Degree to make my Mum proud and also, in a way, it was a matter of pride. 2 of my cousins of the same age, one was an Accountancy Graduate of NTU while the other was a Medical Student at NUS. Pride can really be dumb some times. Now one of them is already a Medical Doctor while the other is already half-way through her veterinary course in Austria. I don't have the energy or academic ability to match them both anymore.
Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Day 067
However, when such matters concerns my family, nobody and nothing comes before them. To me, I have always felt that the family is a very important aspect in our life as they are the only ones to stand by us, through good or bad. Alas, my relationship with my brother is not the best there is. In fact, we have not been on speaking terms since 3 years back and my brother has since moved to my mum's place to stay while I chose to stay with Granny.
Relationships are a very interesting aspect in our lives. There is the family kind and there are non-family kind. More often than not, the relationships we have with our friends are the kind that we wish that we could have with our parents. I guess I am lucky, me and my mum have not been the usual mother and son type but more of friends. Guess this was very much due to the fact that we had to make adjustments to our lives almost 15 years ago. Suddenly, I was no longer just a son and an elder brother. I was thrust with the extra responsibility of teaching my Brother the ways of life from the tender age of 11. Look what a big mess I have made since then.
I have not been a great friend to others either. I was never really a great team-player and always wanted a chance to lead. Must be all that SJI teaching. Haha. Nurturing Leaders of Tomorrow. Well, I leadership is not all easy and most of us are not able to handle the responsibility when given the opportunity. I know I failed my test of leadership when I was given responsibility over a group of juniors only because I was senior and not because of my ability. However, I never believe leaders are naturally born, they have to be nurtured and given guidance.
This is where life lessons come about. The 10 years since I left SJI, I have picked up many aspects about life. Good or bad, it is up to the perogotive of the individuals. I am not always the easy going person, ok maybe not that easy-going for those that know me well, that most people think I am today. Time moves and people change. We learn everyday but whether we take the lessons to heart is another issue.
At least I can safely say, I should be a better person than before. However, there are certain trials and tribulations when faced, I just do not feel motivated. When I mention that I am a former 'O'-Level failure but now a NTU Graduate, some people think that I am a highly motivated person. Truth is, I am not. I wanted very much to give up after my 'O'-Levels but was turned around due to the fact that I knew I needed at least a Diploma to get a decent job. When I got rejected by NTU the first time, I too wanted to give up again but decided to just try my luck and applied again but with SAT scores. I wanted to get the Degree to make my Mum proud and also, in a way, it was a matter of pride. 2 of my cousins of the same age, one was an Accountancy Graduate of NTU while the other was a Medical Student at NUS. Pride can really be dumb some times. Now one of them is already a Medical Doctor while the other is already half-way through her veterinary course in Austria. I don't have the energy or academic ability to match them both anymore.
Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Day 067
posted by Prosage at 11:53 pm
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