Final Bad News?

As the year draws to a close, a piece of bad news arrived at my home. CAAS has rejected me for the position of Air Traffic Controller. Ah well. I do hope it is the final piece of bad news after a year of what started out brightly and has lurched, heaved, hobbled, shown a short glimmer of hope but finally crashing towards disaster towards the end.

From the joy of running my own classes and the joy of being with my kids at the beginning of the year
- To the breakdown of relationships
- To the suffering at the hands of politicking in the staff room
- To being forced to resign from teaching to allow for a later comeback
- Followed by the short break in Hong Kong
- To the agony of unemployment for months
- To the gaining of weight due to inactivity
- To the employment back in the semiconductor industry
- Followed by the short reunion with some of my kids
- To the return for a stint during my In-Camp Training
- To the rejection by MOE for the second time this year
- And the final nail in the coffin for this year is the rejection by CAAS

I do hope all this down time will swing up soon. Goodbye to a year where it has not been all too fantastic. The bright spots of the year are my kids, whom I really miss, the classroom, and my friend who has silently taken all my griping and negativity, while still remaining sane and being there for me. Tomorrow is just another day but I hope that it, too, will mean a new beginning for me.

Cleaning Up

Clean and clean. Make the room less dusty. It feels so much better after the place is clean. Now to have a final good rest before tomorrow starts again.

Lazing Around

What else am I good at? Lazing around, that's what. Haha. Been sleeping the entire day. I think my body is reconditioning after my ICT strain and before the drone-like life when I return to work. Sigh.

Is It Really A Happy Season?

For most it is. For me, it is not really.

Good Things:
Mum is healthy
Got a new job
Cleared off my polytechnic study loan
Spent 3 weeks In-Camp

Bad Things:
I hate my job
I still got my university study loan to clear
Got rejected the 2nd time this year by MOE
Have to return to work after my In-Camp

Seems like a zero-sum game but I had really hoped that my Christmas gift this year was returning to be a Teacher again. Sigh. That's my life story.

Letter To You

My first present I cooked for you burnt to a crisp
So I went back and twice checked my list
I still wanted to tell you about my love
So I found you a pair of gloves
But that didn't seem right
So I stayed up all night
The ideas I had went from bad to worse
So I decided to do this in reverse
I think of you day and night
And I want you back in my sight
There will be many more Christmas' to come
I just miss you this one

A letter to the one who has always been in my heart.

Too Much Milo

Urggggh. Drank too much milo while in camp. I got milo breath, milo-heatiness and milo-s***. I am so sick of milo now. Uggggh.

Cleaning Teeth Day!

Time to go for my bi-annual dental appointment. Well, it is not really bi-annual. The government dental polyclinics are always over-booked and it is more like once every 9 months.

It Is Never Easy

2 small windows of opportunity were shown to me this week. Both in areas where I have great interest in. The view from one window was methodical while the view from the other was more of philosophical reminiscence. The image of one was briefly fleeting while the other was structured. Now, these two windows are hovering by the slither of a thread, barely able to support the weight of either one of them. Whether I will be able to get a better view I do not know. I do hope that when the time comes, I will be able to take it all in. Will I be ready? Can I take in the whole picture? It is never easy.

Maybe 2010?

Met a couple of polytechnic friends yesterday for lunch to catch up. We talked about how we have been and happened to delve into holiday locations. Long story short, they expressed interest in wanting me to bring them to NZ next December. Hmmm...... Will it really happen?

Never Stretch, Now Aching

Stupid stupid me. Did not do any stretching exercise before my 2.4km run yesterday morning. Now I am paying the price. Oww.....

Here We Go Again

Hee we go again......Same old stuff again. Physical tests, security details. Ah.....Here come the zombie platoon, otherwise known as the uncle army. Haha.

Taking Things Out Of Storage

It has been almost 18 months since I last saw these clothes. Now it is time to take them out of storage and give them a good wash before using them again soon.

Do I Have The Faith Of Meeting Someone New?

I was watching the latest episode of House MD today where during the opening scenes, House was playing the opening chords to a song I found exceedingly familiar. Then I remembered the song, George Michael's "Faith". Wow! An evergreen classic. I really liked the song, not only for the melody but for the deeper issues the song was conveying.

I know that there are those who think it is no more than a pop song released in 1987 but it is more than that. It tells of how a guy is moving on from a relationship, where the girl is clearly not interested in him but still wants him to be around. How many of us have suffered this experience? I know I have. Plenty of times. This is why I never believe in friendship after a failed relationship or a failed attempt of winning somebody's heart. Hearing this song brings back memories and lessons learnt but mistakes made over and over again.

Excerpt from Wikipedia:
"Faith" is just over three minutes long, the first 37 seconds of which is taken up by a straightforward, fade-up music on organ introduction based on the Wham song "Freedom". Eventually, a two chord progression takes up the song with Michael singing an extremely mature and meaningful lyric about having the "faith" to leave a relationship that he knows is not working, and not giving into to the temptation of going back to his partner no matter how much he desires her as someone better is out there and does not want to be trapped in a situation that is not working. This shows true faith and strength of character in Michael and his ability to deal with really deep emotional issues. Interestingly this song appears to resolve the 'dilemma' which Michael talks about in the original 'Freedom Song', while on the surface this appears to be a fizzy pop song, the lyrics are extremely deep and it appears that Michael is struggling here with the conflict involved in being in love with a person who is not returning the affection in a way that is desired and causing immense discomfort, so while in his heart he knows he wants his 'freedom' he also wants the person he loves, but being trapped in this dichotomy he knows causes immense suffering and pain and knows in his heart the only resolution is to have 'Faith' to meet someone new.

Well I guess it would be nice
If I could touch your body
I know not everybody
Has got a body like you

But I've got to think twice
Before I give my heart away
And I know all the games you play
Because I play them too

Oh but I
Need some time off from that emotion
Time to pick my heart up off the floor
And when that love comes down
Without devotion
Well it takes a strong man baby
But I'm showing you the door

'Cause I gotta have faith...
Mmm, I gotta have faith
'Cause I gotta have faith, faith,
Mm 'cause I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith

Baby
I know you're asking me to stay
Say please, please, please, don't go away
You say I'm giving you the blues
Maybe
You mean every word you say
Can't help but think of yesterday
And another who tied me down to loverboy rules

Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

Yes I've gotta have faith...
Mmm, I gotta have faith
'Cause I gotta have faith, faith, faith,
Mm 'cause I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith

Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

'Cause I gotta have faith...
Mmm, I gotta have faith
'Cause I gotta have faith, faith,
Mm 'cause I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith

Transforming Soon

Soon I shall be transforming. Not like the Transformers but with some nice weapons to play with. Bwahahaha!