Lunch

Alas! It was raining heavily when I went for lunch today.

Day 069

moody

felt really moody and upset today for no rhyme or reason. am i hitting male menopause so soon?

Day 068

Relationships & Reflection

There comes a time when in the midst of many distractions and messed-up thoughts, a clear and bright beacon beckons. More often than not, I have been at the receiving ends of "curved balls", getting myself in over my head in things.

However, when such matters concerns my family, nobody and nothing comes before them. To me, I have always felt that the family is a very important aspect in our life as they are the only ones to stand by us, through good or bad. Alas, my relationship with my brother is not the best there is. In fact, we have not been on speaking terms since 3 years back and my brother has since moved to my mum's place to stay while I chose to stay with Granny.

Relationships are a very interesting aspect in our lives. There is the family kind and there are non-family kind. More often than not, the relationships we have with our friends are the kind that we wish that we could have with our parents. I guess I am lucky, me and my mum have not been the usual mother and son type but more of friends. Guess this was very much due to the fact that we had to make adjustments to our lives almost 15 years ago. Suddenly, I was no longer just a son and an elder brother. I was thrust with the extra responsibility of teaching my Brother the ways of life from the tender age of 11. Look what a big mess I have made since then.

I have not been a great friend to others either. I was never really a great team-player and always wanted a chance to lead. Must be all that SJI teaching. Haha. Nurturing Leaders of Tomorrow. Well, I leadership is not all easy and most of us are not able to handle the responsibility when given the opportunity. I know I failed my test of leadership when I was given responsibility over a group of juniors only because I was senior and not because of my ability. However, I never believe leaders are naturally born, they have to be nurtured and given guidance.

This is where life lessons come about. The 10 years since I left SJI, I have picked up many aspects about life. Good or bad, it is up to the perogotive of the individuals. I am not always the easy going person, ok maybe not that easy-going for those that know me well, that most people think I am today. Time moves and people change. We learn everyday but whether we take the lessons to heart is another issue.

At least I can safely say, I should be a better person than before. However, there are certain trials and tribulations when faced, I just do not feel motivated. When I mention that I am a former 'O'-Level failure but now a NTU Graduate, some people think that I am a highly motivated person. Truth is, I am not. I wanted very much to give up after my 'O'-Levels but was turned around due to the fact that I knew I needed at least a Diploma to get a decent job. When I got rejected by NTU the first time, I too wanted to give up again but decided to just try my luck and applied again but with SAT scores. I wanted to get the Degree to make my Mum proud and also, in a way, it was a matter of pride. 2 of my cousins of the same age, one was an Accountancy Graduate of NTU while the other was a Medical Student at NUS. Pride can really be dumb some times. Now one of them is already a Medical Doctor while the other is already half-way through her veterinary course in Austria. I don't have the energy or academic ability to match them both anymore.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Day 067

Fear

Fear and isolation are mutually exclusive. Fear leads to a withdrawal from events and heads to its home, known as Isolation. Why do we fear? We fear what we do not know, as such resulting in us deciding to ignore the issue all together, hoping to keep it out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind?

Day 066

ladybugs' picnic

after years of searching for this, i finally found it!



this has been stuck in my head every since kindergarten?! hahahaha!

Day 065

totally drained

yesterday was an exceedingly hot day! hot! hot! hot! i almost got burned by the sun! it was also a very tiring day! let's hope today is a better day.

Day 064

Searching

I am searching for something, an answer of sorts. What I am searching for, I do not know, but I do know that I am searching for something. This search is taking up alot of my mental capacity but I just cannot put it aside. Why?

Day 061

keeping the mind a blank

vegetated myself in my room today, lazing on my mattress while indulging in episodes after episodes of JAG. just did not want to think anymore today. tomorrow might be a new beginning. i hope.

Day 058

Congrats Indra!

Went over to Indra's place today to attend his youngest sister's wedding luncheon. She looked very pretty while sitting up there. Looking at such scenes invoked feelings I have kept under wraps for some time.

Day 057

peservere or move on?

dare i say it? it would seem like i am just running away if i choose the easy path now. do i take it? i don't know! argggggggg!!!!!!!!

Day 056

totally confused

why is it when i am facing a juncture that will affect my own life, am i still concerned about the well being of others? even an ex-colleague of mine claimed that, "No matter how nonsenical you may be at times, you are just not the sort to do bad things and hurt others." i admit i am not perfect but why can't i just be selfish for once?

Day 055

confused and frustrated

i feel very lost and very frustrated. have i made the correct decision or am i in this because it was the easy way out back then? things just seem so difficult.

Day 054

passion?

in anything we do, passion is a key to why we do it. so i ask myself, "do i still have the passion?" why i asked myself this is because, i am feeling more and more out of place in the line of work i am doing.

Day 053

Umizaru 2

just came home from watching Umizaru 2 with my mum and granny. it is a story that revolves around the japan coast guard's search & rescue diving teams. this time around, the amount diving scenes were much fewer. however, seeing the s&r teams in action has made me want to go get my rescue diver certification done as soon as possible! first, have to find money. got money then find time. hahaha!

Day 052

football's coming back

finally, some quality football action is coming back on tv. tonight's matchup is between chelsea & liverpool for the community shield. i hope liverpool will do well and be able to build on from there.

Day 051

tired and in pain

today, i got upset over a comment someone said. it was not directed at me but more of how the person intends to behave in the near future. when i heard it, i was very upset. i told the person off in a very indirect way, not knowing if the person even knows what i meant. i just hope that Sweetie never turns out like this person.

Day 050

black cloud looming

felt very dejected today. while the rest were working hard, i just did not seem to be able to get my energy moving again. got to pick things up but i am oh so shy. no i am not joking, i just feel so much apprehension when i approach. how?

Day 049

almost recovered

i think i am just about to recover from my flu bug. i guess. but my knees are still hurting when i walk. arrggg! today was my last day of intermediate training. with the way things are moving, i don't think i'll be able to get my next training allowance. ah well!

Day 048

Happy National Day!

sure feels weird sitting up in the stands after having been a participant back in 2003. hahaha! poor sweetie wanted so much to attend the national day parade but she is in shanghai. to make things worse, she only managed to tune into the tamil language version of the webcast. haha! what a way to pick up a new language. heez!

Day 047

going nowhere

my job is going nowhere while my body is getting worse and worse. oh man! when will things turn around?

Day 046

of joss and bugs

there is a bloody flu bug going around and i've been hit again. aachooooooooo! just finished helping granny with the burning of the joss paper. today is the traditional day that the cantonese folks pay their respects to the departed during the 7th lunar month. i've got a splitting headache now. got to sleep!

Day 045

longing for some kickabout

when will my knees recover?!?! i am itching to play some footie while my waist is getting bigger and bigger! arggg!

Day 044

Long Time No See

I was meeting up with Herman to discuss some issues and to settle our SJI Class of 96 Dinner tickets when suddenly we saw someone who had been holed up in Shanghai for a whole year. KENNY! Hahaha. Long time no see. Sure was great seeing an old chum again!

Day 043

planning

often humans feel they have planned well in advanced for themselves but in reality, more often than not, they are just lying to themselves. why oh why?

Day 042

painful knees

arggg!!!!!! my knees are getting more and more painful. i can't run, can't jump, can't cycle. how am i going to keep the kilos off?!

Day 041

changing environment 2

today was a journey to another place in singapore, choa chu kang. lot 1 shopping centre in particular. these suburban malls sure take great pains to constantly tweak their image to remain a constant factor in any towns.

Day 040

changed environment

made a trip down to yishun today for a meeting. man, has this placed changed since the days when i frequented it after my ncc(air) trainings at sembawang airbase back in 1993. northpoint looks different, even yishun 10 seems different! the everchanging face of society.

Day 039